The reality of simply going about our day can often feel—and often is—dangerous for Survivors of human trafficking and domestic violence. When everywhere we look sends the message that no one even notices our struggles, where can Survivors turn to for help?
The recent news that Musk is rolling out a change to X’s (formerly Twitter) block function that will allow accounts I’ve blocked to now be able to see my posts has me fuming. The fact that it’s happening during Domestic Violence Awareness month has sent chills up my spine.
Let me tell you why.
Although most news outlets—such as Forbes, Social Media Today, and TechCrunch, to name a few—have called the decision “controversial”. The main reason for the controversy has been explained that it’s over concerns of online harassment, bullying and stalking. While those issues are very important and alarming, that wasn’t what scared and angered me.
“What Really Grinds My Gears”
As a Survivor myself, my first thought was for Survivors of human trafficking and domestic violence, so it was disheartening to find very little addressing domestic violence, and absolutely no mention of human trafficking.
The organization Refuge, quoted in our social media, is based in the UK, and the interview was picked up by MSN.
As the article mentions, X suggests users switch their account to private if they want to continue to stop blocked users from seeing their online activity. WOW is all I have to say to that.
I’m glad Jessica Eagelton, head of policy and public affairs at Refuge, has better words than me. “Women should not be forced offline or have their influence and status online eroded due to the continued failures of tech companies, including X, to put effective protections in place…and silencing women and girls instead of protecting them.” she said.
But that's not even the most serious concern. What really terrified me is thinking of Survivors who have escaped and need to be safe from their abusers, many who use social media to track and find their former victims. Imagine having to think and rethink about every word you post, so as to not give away your location. Now imagine trying to run a business like that. Yeah, exactly.
“And Miles To Go Before I Sleep”
There’s so much about living as a Survivor that we must constantly be aware of and on guard about that most people will take for granted in simply going about their daily routine. For Survivors of human trafficking and domestic violence, life after escaping their abusers is neither simple or safe.
Heading to work, picking up groceries, or even using social media, there's a general sense of safety implied—but not for us. Many Survivors live in constant vigilance in going about these activities at the risk of being found, harmed, or dragged back into the nightmare they fought to escape.
A Survivor’s reality, the ordinary aspects of life—which many view as mundane—can be more like trial by fire. “Regular life” means all the lengths we must go to in order to be—or even just feel—safe.
“All The Right Technology For All The Wrong Reasons”
Technology is so convenient, right? (Okay, well, until you have to turn it off and back on again to make it do the thing). For Survivors, it can be a potential weapon in the hands of their abusers.
Smartphones: GPS tracking, phone bills, and location-sharing apps make it easier for abusers to find survivors. Survivors sometimes have to disable GPS, avoid using apps that track location, or even use a burner phone to stay safe. Even using Google Maps can be dangerous.
Social Media: Most people can casually update their friends on social media, but imagine living in constant fear that an innocent post could reveal your location. Getting tagged in photos or posts by friends can unintentionally give clues about a Survivor’s whereabouts. Going to a party means avoiding all pictures, or always asking, “delete that photo of me!” Survivors often avoid or delete social media altogether, or maintain strict privacy settings, constantly aware that who might be watching can be a life or death situation.
Email and Online Accounts: Abusers might have access to Survivors' personal accounts or can even be—unbeknownst to the Survivor—linked to their abusers’ accounts (Apple, I’m looking at you), so Survivors often have to change passwords regularly, set up new accounts, or avoid online banking and shopping altogether.
“Even When It Was Good, It Was Lousy”
The legal system and public records probably scare many people, but not usually because it’s a way for an abuser to find them. Survivors are haunted by the reality that a simple public records search could give their exploiters or abusers clues about their whereabouts. A restraining order is often out of the question.
Court Appearances: Restraining orders, custody hearings, or divorce proceedings might be necessary to gain legal protection or autonomy, but they also risk exposing Survivors to their abusers face-to-face. Survivors often need advocates or legal aid to help them navigate the system safely, and that is almost always not affordable for a Survivor.
Change of Address: While many people can simply move to a new place, Survivors often face difficulties keeping their addresses confidential. Using services like PO boxes or address confidentiality programs becomes essential for safety, if a Survivor can afford them.
Employment and Taxes: Filling out job applications or tax forms that include personal information can be dangerous. Survivors may need to work under a different name, avoid certain locations, or trust only employers who understand their need for discretion.
The Legal System Isn’t Always Enough: While protection orders and restraining orders can offer legal recourse, they do not physically prevent abusers from finding Survivors. In fact, keeping a Survivor’s address confidential in a restraining order means a lot of extra hoops to jump through, some not easily available or affordable to a Survivor. Some abusers are persistent, using legal (and illegal) loopholes. Survivors must constantly weigh whether seeking legal help could put them at greater risk.
"Reality Continues To Ruin My Life"
Normal routines, like going to work, attending school, or running ordinary errands, are far from ordinary, and often carry inherent risks for Survivors.
Public Transportation: Exploiters can predict where Survivors might be by monitoring their daily commute or familiar haunts. Survivors often change routes, take different forms of transportation, or more often, will move to entirely different cities or states to avoid being traced, even if it means facing homelessness.
Healthcare Visits: Going to a doctor or hospital can be a risky endeavor. Medical records, insurance information, or even a casual run-in at a local clinic could expose a Survivor. Some may avoid seeking necessary medical care to remain hidden.
Children: For Survivors with children, the risks and complications can be astronomical, especially if the other parent is the abuser or exploiter. Keeping them safe is a constant challenge. Abusers may try to contact the children’s school, attend events, or use the child to find the Survivor. Survivors often have to change schools, create strategic or third-party pick-up routines, or coordinate with school staff to ensure no information is shared.
Silent Battles Are The Hardest Battles
While many of the challenges and risks Survivors face are physical, the psychological toll can be just as severe. Living in constant fear, hypervigilance, and paranoia makes everyday life exhausting.
Constant Hypervigilance: Escaping Survivors are always on edge, looking over their shoulder, checking for signs that they might be followed, or worrying that a seemingly innocent interaction could put them at risk. Just running into someone from a dangerous past life can have devastating consequences, putting a Survivor at risk and affecting their mental health. Where others relax, most Survivors feel they can never truly let their guard down.
Isolation: In an effort to remain safe and leave a life of exploitation behind, Survivors often have to cut ties with friends, family, and familiar places. This isolation can lead to loneliness and a lack of support. Survivors may avoid making new friends or forming close relationships out of fear that former patterns may repeat, new people can’t be trusted, or their abuser could discover them through these connections.
Courage Doesn't Always Roar
For Survivors of human trafficking and domestic violence, the simple act of living doesn’t come easy. Creating a safe, healthy life means that Survivors must navigate a world filled with dangers and challenges that the average person never has to consider.
Survivors deserve to live a life of freedom, strength, and safety. After all, we sure fought hard to find it. Now we fight to keep it. Together we can support Survivors by advocating for stronger protections, greater awareness, supporting organizations who work with Survivors, and a deeper understanding of the challenges they face in the fight to reclaim their lives.
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